A general website search bought us to a link for the Weight Watchrs Urban Max Adventure Challenge. OK, sounds interesting, but what’s it all about?

My wife Sharon and I are early thirties, until 10 months were overweight and unfit. We hadn’t run since high school and isn’t flexibility a term used to describe modern work arrangements?

Well, we arrived at the start venue about 1.5 hours early. By this time we had already learnt about validating MET tickets on the tram and that you have to press the button in the train to open the door. As a couple of country-ites we didn’t know about these urban jungle norms that are genetically built into city-folk.

We listened to the starters briefing and then were told where the clue sheet was. We took off in a mad scramble, got our sheet and promptly sat down to decipher the clues. We knew from the start that this would be a critical time for us not knowing Melbourne at all. We enlisted the help of another team to work on the clues with us, as well as a friend on the end of the mobile, and got to work. Our attitude was that there was little point leaving the home base until we knew the answers, otherwise our route would be inefficient and we would lose time. Or so we thought.

By the time we had worked out all the clues there were only about 5 teams still on the lawn. Hmm, had we made a mistake working them out first? Would the others that left straight away fall into the trap of an inefficient route? In any event there were over 100 couples of which about 30 were in the mixed “race” category and so we only wanted to finish with a respectable, non-embarrassing time. And surely spending 30 minutes before leaving the start point couldn’t hurt us. Right?

So, after working out what we thought was the most efficient route by distance and by considering where thought we could get public transport, we took off.

The adrenaline was pumping. We were nervous. We were excited. We hadn’t even reached the first checkpoint and yet we were buzzing.

First checkpoint for us was the first Victorian Governor’s dwelling and we got there by running from the start. This was the better part of 2km, but that was OK because we had earlier decided that if public transport wasn’t basically waiting for us and the distance was 2km or less then we would run. We get around at about 5 minutes per km, are currently training for the Melbourne marathon and so figured we would have no problems with the running. At the first checkpoint we worked out what the clue signs looked like and the punches for the checkpoint card. We wasted no time, punched the card and took off like hares back to the tram station. We got nearly straight onto a tram going north and headed off to the next checkpoint.

On the tram I got out the money bag that we were given, lifted my sunglasses onto my forehead, took a deep breath and then, well, begged. In a loud but hopefully not obnoxious voice I stated that we were in a competition and had to raise some money for charity. We needed just $10 and if people could spare a few coins we would be most grateful. All the time I moved my eyes from one person in the tram to the next ensuring that good eye contact was made. When one person dived into their purse this inspired others and we ended up getting all of our cash from that one tram. I never counted it, but I reckon there was closer to $20 than $10. Well, that was a second checkpoint out of the way. Just 11 to go…..

We continued on, visited Captain Cook’s cottage, the Melbourne Cathedral, played lawn bowls (at which Sharon got within the required 30cm of the jack on her third go) – you could almost here the “crap” statements and sighs from the other competitors; found a duck in the Fitzroy pool and handballed a footy through a small hole. At least I managed to get this one done faster than Shaz! Incidentally, at the bowls we went the wrong way into the park and so jumped the back fence of the complex rather than run back around to the front. This yielded us an additional two places in the queue which no doubt saved us time. Well, the rules didn’t actually state that breaking and entering was not allowed. Ahem.

Whilst at the bowls we “purchased” a copy of the Big Issue from a fellow competitor. We needed this to find checkpoints which ended up being at Docklands. Whilst probably not exactly Kosher, the clue only said we had to “purchase” the magazine – it never said we had to purchase it from a specific vendor. We even paid the full cover price of $4 which sucked really because it was then second hand!

So, more running, a trip to the world Trade Centre and Immigration Museum then off over the Yarra and down to Macka’s rap show. OK, so we thought it would be some whacky dance routine that we would have to do. In another life Shaz and I were pretty good competition ballroom dancers – but rap. Oh My God we thought, this is not our cup of tea. Anyway, the challenge ended up being a rap down the wall of about a 7 storey building. The designers of the course have a seriously whacky sense of humour.

At this stage we felt great. We had every clue except 2, felt strong and fast and made no serious wrong turns that would have cost us more than about 2 minutes. We had only taken 3 trams – one ½ way up St Kilda Road, another down Nicholson Street from Fitzroy to the City and one from Latrobe Street to docklands. They just weren’t available at other times so we ran. I’m not sure that the heart rate monitors we had on were a help or hindrance as it isn’t great to look down and realise you are doing 175 beats per minute. But we pressed on regardless.

We ran to South Melbourne Market and looked for the Urban Max stall. Shaz was a hoot calling out “Urban Max stand” like a madman, err madwoman to everyone she passed and eventually we were put in the right direction. We found the stand and it was a 3 piece puzzle challenge that I had seen before. “How hard could this be” I thought. I explained to Shaz that I had seen this before and I was trying to show her how I thought it should be done. She kept telling me to shut up and leave her alone. I couldn’t understand why until about 30 seconds later when she presented me with the finished puzzle. I think I almost had 2 pieces somewhere close the correct position at that time.

A final jump on the tram and we head back south on the bay side of Albert Park Lake. Jump off at the last station and essentially sprint about 1km to the final checkpoint which was at the finish line. We jumped in a canoe and paddled (or maybe fumbled) the boat across the lake and got the final punch. We came home fast, but fatigued, with me yelling “now” on every second stroke so we could paddle in time (kind of). I nearly capsized the boat when we got back as it rammed into the wharf, but we were so full of beans with the taste of the finish line so near that we were nearly delusional. A spring up the stairs and across the line we went.

We were so happy. We had succeeded and finished the course in what we thought was a pretty good time for a couple of country hacks that don’t know squat about the big smoke. We handed in our punch card and asked how we had gone. Amazingly we had finished third in the mixed race category, 8th overall in the race category and 13th overall – but then the try hard social competitors that beat us only had to get 10 of the checkpoints.

Lunch afterwards, provided by Weight Watchers was great. Rather than a fatty barbecue which wouldn’t have been welcome we were treated to salad sandwiches with a variety of meats and low fat bacon. This was exactly what our bodies needed.

We had an awesome day and will definitely compete next year. We are thankful to all of the sponsors, especially Weight Watchers as the title sponsor and to all of the volunteers that made the day possible. Without them there can be no event. Or at least not at the very reasonable price that we paid.

For anyone out there even considering this event, consider no longer. Throw yourself in there and have a go. If two country bums that 10 months ago weighed in at a combined 26kg heavier than they were on race day, have no clue the difference between Lonsdale Street and Flinders Street can come third in the mixed race category, then so the bloody hell can you. Oh, and we were only 5 minutes from the winner in our category. Hmm, maybe that 30 minutes at the start was a problem after all! Anyway, get off your bum and enter as soon you can. You will have an absolute hoot regardless of whether you’re a walker or mad keen competitor.

Justin Scholz